fat bastards are us ( not one night in paris )
+++
sorry
i got a xispack
make that a sixpack
+++
i ****ed up ok
i cant help bein skinny
+++
and i never stayed in paris
honest we ****ed off
+++
although
i like th line
woke up got out of bed
kicked paris hilton in th head
out of it girl
what you doin down there ?
+++
so nicole kidman with a couple of bandaids
on her knees
is news
not one of em said
hey nicole
has mr bling given ya some carpet burn ?
i dunno
+++
it's what i would have asked
+++
"it's what morticia would have asked"
+++
did ya see that extreme unicyclist on th telly ?
little brother was yellin out
get out of th ****in bath
and come take a look
makes u look like an amateur
not that he'd know
he wasnt bad was he ?
he hasnt got my testicles either
tell ya what
ill kick him in th balls
just before he goes to th big jumping stunts
and we'll see how he goes then
ye of little and short memory
let's make him feel like paulie first
before ya pit me against him
ok ?
i'd do him in th surf
and how fast can he ride thru a crowd
and thru th obstacles ?
like i ****in care
met lots of unicyclists
who thrash me on a unicycle
my usual
thought anyway
is
lets make him
feel like paulie first
then th games can begin
dickhead
+++
a big kick right in th nuts
+++
sorry nicole
+++
readin th paper
elizabeth is dying
yeah
well we read this before man
and yeah
she was a looker
ya happy now ?
+++
i dunno
+++
i'll have th elephants balls on toast
and make it snappy
+++
unless you're down there to suck my dick
u wanna get out of th road ?
+++
fair dinkum
+++
i didnt sing till dawn last night
still slept till lunchtime
got a bit whacked
you know
+++
gotta go to th bike shop
with my nephew
little brother's escaped
on a date
kind of
last time she came over
she was bendin over in front of him
when ya gunna be home man ?
"i dunno"
ok
+++
a funny girl
takes him to visit grandma
me thinks
they're both thinkin of th long term
+++
id visit yur grandma with ya
not my little brother though
id probly try to **** ya in th kitchen
oh we're just makin a coffee
stay there dear
+++
turn on th element on th stove with my toes
now you're gunna bridge
+++
always thought you could do that
this is for th last time
ya hung off me
+++
****in drunk
and playin with my sixpack
get yur hands off
thats mine
+++
can i peirce yur nipple with a steak knife ?
make a big band aid
maybe they'd take more photos
+++
wonder if they'd still figure
weight loss
i dunno
+++
gotta go deal with th young fella's
sense of humour
likes to emulate his mad uncle
we have fun
but then
i do remember takin him
and my son
when they were both much younger
and teachin em
supermarket football
with a sixpack of toilet rolls
you get in that aisle
i'll get in this one
and you get in th next one
right
starter for ten
and no conferring
dive for th ****in ball boy
you'll never play footie otherwise
+++
we're off
it's
two and a half men
sunday afternoon
traditionally
me and th young fella
**** off somewhere
later...
+++
..
..
..
seriously
sandra sully on her knees
i know you wanna see that
+++
pls sandra
+++
th following boys are to be chastised
for ravin about fat *****es
while standin behind one
paulie
sorry about that
+++
couldnt resist
+++
fat smelly ppl
lets get out of here
thought i was in america
turned out to be
big w
close enough
+++
got his tube
he's fixin his bike
well you stuck th jump there
th mad ***** in th back yard
has taken to slidin down th stunt jump
with her legs spread
you know
mad dog
stop that
+++
you'll go **** up young man
dont know what that dog's left on there
+++
'mazin what he tells me
+++
when i was ****in two chicks
and little brother was getttin laid
and still takin calls
from a couple others
and me too i guess
we werent really showin him
th proper way
now were we ?
+++
he wants to go swimmin
i aint ridin a girls bike
so im takin th unicycle
but th sharkfin wizard hat
can stay in th car
i'll use somethin
non descript
plain white
++++
we got some money
to **** off and go for a drive
little brother's gone to see
mama mia
with a fox
+++
lammed outta here like
****
im runnin late
bye
+++
"i dunno"
"one night in that chick"
you're sick jennifer
"not th one at th bottom of th escalator ya sick ****"
+++
take to her with a staple gun
i just found another
fresh pussie
+++
"pre moistened"
ah **** off
+++
"make her run thru th carpark first"
**** off jennifer
ya'll get me in trouble
+++
summer here
we're goin swimmin at th beach
+++
"more fat *****es"
ah yes
but there will be
yummie mummies
"cool"
+++
"more drugs over here"
+++
stat
+++
or that eighteen yr old girl
thought my other young male companion
on my unicycle was also eighteen
he was thirteen
maybe we'll take ya man
th three of us have fun
kickin around
me and yur mother get on
+++
i picked a goodie
th pump's a goodun
told him
+++
i might be out of it
and play chicken with cars
but i know my
pushbike stuff
+++
are ya ready yet ?
he likes ridin with th unicycle
i bought him one for xmas
we'll see
+++
ya see some ****
+++
am i out of it enough yet ?
+++
g'day
would you accept a lollie from a strange man ?
that's alright
i haven't gpt any anyway
+++
buy lollies
+++
we're takin my limo[xf falcon bogstock well nearly]
**** it's runnin well
to th beach
with th alien skull in th back window
+++
a unicycle
a bicycle
and a couple of mad hot boys
u wanna talk to her ?
+++
no worries
+++
byee....
..
..
..
+++
haha
we lived
+++
windows is pickin em
Bill Hicks
"Save willie"
+++
we just got back from th beach
i even managed a short ride on th unicycle
in th surf
at redcliffe
tide was way wrong
but i had low air
so i had a stab anyway
got about thirty feet
but it's taken th edge off
thanks man
and we got to see some
yummie mummies
oh yeah
and a couple who werent yummie
ya get that
+++
garbage
"medication" acoustic
+++
im gettin there ok
where th ****in drugs ?
+++
i been talkin harleys hey
was out on th redcliffe jetty
and a guy goes
hey paul
that is paul isnt it ?
dont know how he recognised me
i got teeth now
id just done a freemount launch
on th floating pontoon
movin everywhere
fun as
and stoned
moderately
his name was mick
another one
used to ride harleys
to th samford pub
man it;s been a few years
how are ya ?
th face is familiar
but th name escapes me
**** i knew some ppl
+++
****in hell
he thought i rode a suzuki
get real
maybe th sidecar mate
ah yeah
kwaka
1100
solo chair
+++
this is fun but
+++
me and th young fella were gigglin
cause i was tellin a sidecar tale
on th way there
+++
thanks bro
+++
U2
"New years day"
+++
i used to ride like
three different bikes to th pub
a 750 solo
an 1100 sidecar
and a 100 cc kwaka
pit bike mate
i got no shame
still arrive in leather
still just as mad
+++
ah here th drugs are
can hear th young fella tellin me
he's put th pot on th stove
im cookin
doin pasta
+++
ok
th blonde with th stud in her mouth
was pretty stunning
+++
nearly parked on top of us
we were in th water
swimmin th lagoon
sorry
at redcliffe
ya should come down
it aint bad
got chlorine eyes but
didnt get shark attacked though
i know i wasnt gunna wear my shark hat
but
th young fella
forgot to take his helmet
and um
i been tryin to set a good example
aint been pinched in ages
for not wearin a helmet
so i gave him th crap one i was gunna wear
and i wore th shark fin hat
i offered th other way round
ah no
i couldnt let th young fella down
and we saw lotsa smiles
had a ride down th foreshore
i was playin on th edge
in th wind
bein an idiot
+++
dave lippman
"tennage immigrant welfare mothers on drugs"
+++
saw a couple man
+++
th young fella wanted to ride his
norco
expensive
racing bicycle
in th surf
and i said
um no
i get filmed a lot
you want yur mum to see ya on telly ?
ridin down th beach on yur good bike
shoulda thought about it then
it wasnt low enough for me to really ride either
surprised i could even get up
took about three attempts
gotta be hard to do that
it was soft
well soft
but umm
man i cant wait
+++
th big beach
th big wheel
and out of it
+++
ok maybe kylie in th ears
+++
here we go
the kinks
"come dancing"
+++
well that was kinda what i was talkin about
dancin on th unicycle
fully cut
at dusk
in th surf
just ****in yummie
+++
he mugged me in th water
violent little bugger
+++
this one yummie mummie
ah you dont wanna know
+++
all this sand on th top step
on th edge
slippery as
and he's ridin at me
****in hell man
as if it wasnt hard enough already
ah hang on
i just remembered im a scaredy cat
i cant do this young fella
stop laughin at me
+++
holes in th wind
gusty
ya ridin along
and just
what was holdin ya up
is gone
ah man
th wheel's fairly travellin now
+++
joslyn rechter
"the habenara" from carmen
+++
what sick **** put this in my computer ?
"sorry man"
"here have a cone"
+++
dont give away my drugs
or
i'll beat **** out of you
+++
"sorry"
+++
i'd probly sing to it
background anyway
done mozart
"in th street"
background ok
+++
i felt ok
when that first pretty chick
smiled at me
th shark fin saga forgotten
bloody white pointers
+++
dont always keep my word
sorry
im human too
+++
the kinks
"better things"
+++
we'd all like to be better things
just umm
i reserve th right t **** up
and go out and put smiles on dials
specially my nephews
+++
yeah i'll take th boy
we'll go out have some fun
dont bag th six man
see
i can still drive
got you
haha
+++
really easy to get them to squeel
+++
and he thought he was blase
his dad does drive fast
+++
we werent goin fast
well not in that way
just under brakes
i used to slide sidecars
mate
come on
+++
george carlin
"house of blues"
+++
ya little bugger
+++
jennifer three
needs a little maintenance
tyre's comin off th rim
right we're i bunny hop
bad
gotta change tyres soon
+++
if we'd been on a fat one with knobbies
aired down
we coulda taken that beach
it was ****in close
but i was fightin th wind
as well
as th soft sand
and just too much
down we come
+++
afroman
"high"
+++
i wasnt all that high
maybe i shoulda been
i dunno
dont wanna be too bent
ridin th wall
hit this patch
of humped up sand
and give it riz
but wandered off after that
time to cremate dinner
+++
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
he likes my cooking occasionally
he snavelled that chop
+++
his dad dont cook with garlic
+++
sorry this is a disorganised religion
kuta t you too
+++
well i made it to th beach
didnt really plan it
+++
eyes are sore
****in chlorine
+++
th lagoon doesnt meet th ocean
+++
bugger
+++
i believe yur dog
lights up yur life in more ways than i can imagine
***
well wee on my leg and call me ****rley
+++
"can i watch sabrina ?"
+++
i'll have to get stoned
"well that was a no brainer"
+++
i like that wall
fun to surf on
th edge
+++
yeah
stop readin her diary ya dumb cat
+++
you too
**** off
+++
little x in th top right corner
go on
you can do it
+++
"she's flexible"
+++
hard to refuse a kid
+++
it was a day ride
+++
oh no
a gay xmas
+++
i like th young fella's take
on how th guy
got taken by two great whites
+++
no i dont think i'll share
+++
made me wear th hat
+++
ok mate
+++
it was a broke weekend
we got a passout
one tube
a pump
and umm
let's go to th beach
"how long ya gunna take to install it young fella ?"
[bout ten minutes later]
right
i'm ready to go
+++
****
it got me singing
i want more drugs
+++
go hard lulu
+++
off it
+++
the verve
"bittersweet symphony"
+++
waddya mean ya cant hear it ?
****head
+++
so i'm a cheap bastard
+++
**** you
+++
told ya to **** off
+++
jeez
do these guys do drugs or what ?
+++
why have little boys always gotta jump off th path ?
he was
up and down
and here and there
couple of times
i followed suit
but i did not just
ride down th ****in flower bed dude
get out of there
+++
i tried gettin up this
planter bed
into th mulch
just couldnt do it
not as easy as his girls bike
two wheels
get with th program
i was happy with my effort
wasnt ****in pussie
anyway
+++
what th **** are you lookin at ?
+++
**** it
i can go thru here
+++
she is a cute blonde
i nearly ran er over
+++
ah well
plenty more round here
+++
th ****in hat
in th breeze
just gives ya th ****s
pullin on yur head
tryin to ride th edge
**** off
+++
george carlin
"euphemisms"
+++
**** off
+++
****in windows
+++
ya cant hear this either ?
i'll send it to customer complaints
+++
hello customer complaints here
did you receive th
20 litre drum of ky jelly we sent you ?
do not throw that drum away
there's a cricket bat
coming
with a really really big boy
pu****n it
go and get ****ed
+++
dont do this at home
ok
if ya see me ridin th wall
dont do this at home
most especially
dont do it stoned
ok
+++
i should carry a warning
sign
this one little boy
was askin if i was a wizard
said i might be one of them wizards
+++
****s with ppl's heads
ah well
+++
th young fella makes a great straight man
he's out to kill me
cause i wont let him ride on th beach
cause too many ppl film me
and his mum might see him on telly
happened a couple of times
we were just
surfin
th wind was wicked
had dirty big ****in slippery holes
just gorgeous
man
ridin th wall's edge
i am wet...
..
..
..
the unicycle surfer
+++
p.s.
it was fat...
